Sometimes it's hard to remember that the people around you are, in fact, real people. Sometimes it sucks to be a person. You have all these feelings that get hurt sometimes. Ugh- emotions.
From a young age we are taught to mask those emotions and pretend like everything is OK. I'm Korean, which means that I didn't grow up expressing my feelings like a lot of other American families I knew. Sweeping generalization, I know, but true in my case.
SOO I learned to hide my feelings behind a chipper and peppy wall and for the most part other people were pretty satisfied with that.
As I entered adulthood I found out that the wall of enthusiasm I had built around me wasn't sufficient enough for a lot of people I met, and in some cases it worked against me! A lot of people I've met have made some interesting assumptions about me. People have assumed that I'm dumb and ditzy, superficial, immature, childish, Beyonce - you name it.
It hurt that people thought all these things about me, but I had to take a step back and think about why.
Had I shown any of these people anything different? No, not really. I was asking for something unrealistic. I was saying- "Why can't you see through this wall that I intentionally have put up to keep people out?".
This is a geeky metaphor but get ready.
When I worked at a preschool we were taught to not use antibacterial soap, because it kills too much bacteria, and some bacteria can actually be good for your immune system.
I feel like the wall of fakeness is that antibacterial soap. It keeps out the bad stuff, but it can also keep out the good stuff. Like meaningful relationships. Boom.
A friend of mine always encourages me to look at other people with "loving kindness" and to try and put myself in their shoes.
When I do that, I don't blame people for judging me, or even disliking me. I'd probably dislike me too if I only had a surface picture. I want to prove them wrong. I want to say hey, I'm a pretty nice girl if you'll give me a chance. And candy.
What I'm trying to say is sometimes, people don't like you and it's not your fault. Or maybe it is, if you're a jerk. But in my case, these walls are coming down. I will do my part and be real. If you get to know me and dislike me I can't really fault you.
But if you don't know me, then shut your face and get out of my way.
Oh did you think this would end in a positive message? OK OK, don't judge a book by its cover. Or the book flap summary. Or at all because some nice bloke put effort into writing it and they liked it. Someone likes it. Just be nice to everyone cuz everyone is fighting a battle of their own, and don't be a crappy person to make them feel bad about it.
Unless they do bad things like kill people. Or kick puppies. Then you can judge them because WHO WOULD KICK A PUPPY?!